it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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