i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
