No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
