Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
