Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
