Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize