You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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