yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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