my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When are your genitals available?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize