How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
