Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
