I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
