I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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