I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
