eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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