Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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