I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
