We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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