low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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