ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
