You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
