i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
