I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
