with your own penis?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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