i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize