I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
