Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
