when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
