So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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