Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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