I'm so fucking centered right now
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
