I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
