idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
