I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drunk is not a location!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
