if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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