If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
