Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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