i would punch a child for taco bell
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
