Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
