she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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