I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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