I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
