thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize