I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
