I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
