Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize