Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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