Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize