So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize