I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
