hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is the high leading the old right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You left your phone here
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