I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
