I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
