We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
