remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
