Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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