youre lurking in front of me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There was a lot of him and a little penis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
