this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize