I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
