just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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