We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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