i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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