We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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