Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
