You're completely useless in the revolution.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize