okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
