Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
