Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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