I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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