Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
