I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
