Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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