hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
