And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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