you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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