Got a toothbrush?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We got so high we made milksteak
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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