Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she smelled like a LAN party
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
