okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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