youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
