hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
