is your mom at the bar?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
