I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
