yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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