allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
