Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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