i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
